organizing

Today i was very much tired of mess that is created by my daughter in the house. Now I want to take up this issue, its my need that I need to have things organised and to be kept back in its place after use. And I get overloaded with work (or my husband would get overloaded with clean up after coming from office). And I choose not to do it often as I do not want to hurt my back, I am already having slipped disc problem.

to look at this problem, I have 2 approaches.
1st persepctive : Its my belief that cleaning up often things from ground is painful and my back is suffering. and in that, I do not want to do clean up of things which are not even on ground, but are lying on sofa or bed.

Break belief: I can very well bend in knees, and clean up things. Its more hardwork, which will also make me lose some more calories, in turn reduced pressure on back. Now with this, 1st thing thats happening with me is: I am relaxed before I go and express my needs to my daughter.

2nd persepctive : This is also a belief that my daughter is taking me for granted, or is not trained to behave and organize.

Break belief: I have seen her doing things responsibally with her other friends or in kindergarten. So there is lack of motivation at home in cleaning up. May be its just my constant instructions that is frustrating her.

Taking it further in reality.
Yesterday I picked her from the kindergarten. I brought her home. I was clear in my mind about my belifs and had broken myself free from those which are interfering.
1st thing that I observed was, I didnt had to tell her anything. I changed my clothes, put them in hanger. I asked her if she wants to do it herself or she wants to do on her own. Quick response was, I will do. She did a good job, she needed some changes, she wanted to keep her clothes in another cupboard with different color hangers. I allowed her and she did it interestingly.

Next I wanted her to keep her shoes back in shoe rack. But she started playing with the ball. Then i remembered, I havent kept mine too as they were wet because of rain. Now this is how it went.

Mom: I am going to keep my shoes in place. Do u want to accompany me to keep yours.
daughter : No. I want to play balloon. U also play with me.
Mom: Ok. I will join u in a minute. I need to keep my shoes first.
We started playing but I was uncomfortable that her shoes are skill lying there. So I told her,
Mom: May be that U are getting irritated with my instructions all the time. but
Mom: I have a problem. I am getting bothered with the shoes lying on the floor. My need is to keep the house clean by putting things back in place after use. Can u help me in this?
Daughter: ok. U dont go anywhere. Dont come and follow me . I will keep n see.
mom:0k.
daughter: am back, lets play now.
and we played again.

Things to note: this is just one example, to have this as habbit to be instilled in me n her, we both need to work on this, we both need to look at the advantages and disadvantages of doing it or by not doing it. So that we both have motivation to do it.

But u can notice that, when I expressed, her about this, I just mentioned my need. I didnt blame her. I didnt gave her lecture on whats right or whats wrong. And had she not helped me , I would have gone n done it on my own and continue playing (remember my first belief). I didnt want to put any pressure of the act, I do not want her to feel guilty if she has not done it. Its just my need that I have to do it. If she is willing to help, she can.

Well, this needs to be proven in many more situations to come to the conclusion. Thoguh I firmly belive in Nonviolent communication parenting, I must experiment more n more. This time it worked with just 2 dialogues. We can do many experiments to see how it works.